Line in the Sand

I get so frustrated with adults (it's usually adults, never young people) who assume that other adults (meaning people like me) have to coerced, threatened, badgered, paid or otherwise harrassed to do "something". For example, attend a meeting, donate time or money. Listen. Or read. Whatever. I prefer to be asked or invited. As if you believed I was worth the time it takes to be courteous to me. If I cannot, I will tell you. And you, you will be gracious and polite and suggest perhaps another time would be better. I will agree as well. And we will both move on.

At a  recent meeting, it was suggested that parents could be "made" to attend a parents' meeting by demanding they pick up their child's report card at the meeting. This is the assumption that parents are not interested in their child's welfare until you threaten them. I still believe that many parents are extremely busy and sometime pulled in multiple directions. Work. Volunteerism. Homework. Sports. Clubs. Grocery shopping. Paying bills. Visiting family. Cleaning house. All of this takes time, and I don't like to live in a sty (not that my home is perfect) and quiet time is necessary for me to re-charge (not that I get much).

I like a little notice about a meeting, at least two weeks' time if possible.  I'd like the purpose to be stated without a "threat" (you won't get your child's report card OR you'll be penalized in some fashion). I have to arrange babysitters... I have to think if this will impact my child's time in homework.. my grocery plans.. my dinner plans... everything. It's not about just "drop the kids off" (where? where?) and come to the meeting.
My husband usually works until 7pm each night. It's just not going to happen without a little planning...

People. Please. Get. Real. Ask. And then... retreat with grace, if denied.

Well, it's not SO bad

Report card time has come and went. My older child, my son, has struggled this year with the additional responsibilties of middle school. It's not been an easy time at all. I can't blame fifth grade. As a former sixth grade teacher, no fifth grade experience is preparation for sixth grade. It's really up to the parents. Is your child using his or her planner? Are you checking it? Are you holding him or her accountable for writing things down? Realistically, very few (if any) fifth grade teacher can do this as well as a parent. It takes home support to put those skills into place. Time management includes using an agenda reguarly and breaking large tasks into smaller pieces with deadlines. Sometimes the fifth grade teacher can do it. But not always. It always falls to the parent, and it's the way it is.

I can't blame the sixth grade teacher either. Excellent to good, teachers are juggling a lot of ideas and responsibilities. Children need to commit to the effort, too.

It's my son. He has a "good report card".  He says, Mom, it's not SO bad. I have all Ss in behavior, and only two Ds. Well, I say, Son, that's okay... I blink. Hmm. What are you going to do about those Ds? Well, I can always get better, he says very sincerely.

That's right. You can only go up. Somehow, this answer satisfies me, and I leave it at that.

Homework Horrors

I honestly believe my daughter's third grade teacher gives reasonable homework. She often 'schedules' (makes the children write down in their planners) 'study' or assign specific pages for them to 'review'.  I think this is an excellent step toward developing study skills and keeps parents connected to classroom content. But my daughter can't see the benefit.

We had to do a reading log, a science worksheet (which wasn't finished earlier) and study for spelling and math. The whole idea of "doing it again" was so frustrating to her that she was yelling and crying her eyes out over my asking her to look over the math problems. I had already pared it down to an oral review, point at the answer, etc.

Now, in comparison, my son also disliked homework at her age but somehow he intrinsically knew it was important and had to be done. Was he super fast? No, he avoided, daydreamed and sometimes postponed starting, but NOT to the point of choking and hiccups.

After (I am NOT kidding you) three hours of this hot mess, she was finally sent to bed. My son and I discussed it. He thinks she was just lying or playing around. He's older so he likes to chime in his opinion on parenting issues. I suggested to him that maybe true, but somehow his Sissy just...doesn't believe homework is important. She honestly thinks it will go away... if she just clicks her heels three times or something like that.
I think it's linked to her poor academic performance for the past two years. She frequently calls herself dumb or stupid. Yes, she struggles. Yes, she's been placed into and will soon graduate from a reading program. It's a vicious cycle: don't do the homework, struggle, feel anger, don't do the homework, struggle, it's a ridiculous cycle. But funnily enough she doesn't have the wisdom (surprise! she's a child) to see that it's within her control. 

I only hope and pray I don't lose my will to help before I finally can get her to see that she can be successful. It's this weird thing called "practice" and "trying it out". She's not alone. I teach middle school and I see so many children who just won't try something because of a fear of failure. They opt to do poorly because it's likely a habit they've fallen into rather than a true picture of their abilities.

It can be very stressful to be helpful, hopeful and not lose my temper when I am literally arguing with an eight year old. Who's being stupid then? Me.

Hollywood Fete a Tete: Ripley's Believe it or Not... Birthday!

It's our son's 12th birthday and I was a little worried about it.

We had loosely planned a day at Hollywood's Ripley's Believe it or Not! Museum. Two days before the day, I checked out  a review on Yahoo! and it said it was "boring". Wow. No parent wants to label their child's birthday as "boring".  My son isn't the jock type with lots of friends or the super student with tons of As to impress other children. He's sorta in between. I know he's secretly brilliant, he just hasn't decided to show it yet. I also know he's super athletic, but nature is taking its time. Meanwhile, my chess-loving, book-loving, Harry Potter fanatic son is looking forward to a great birthday weekend his mother planned...which is now in danger of being "boring". He's in sixth grade. You see the problem?

Egad.

I had a secret meeting with my husband at some time between dinner and midnight, and we had made tentative Plan Bs... a trip inside the Capitol Records building which my husband might be able to make happen... a walk down the Hollywood strip (yes, I was desperate, sorry...)... or I would push for a fancy (yikes! throwing money at the problem!) restaurant in Hollywood.

We set out, teetering in our new/old white van and followed by our very old Nissan Maxima. When we arrived, I was grateful for my husband's fluid handling of Hollywood. Since he works there, the traipsing transvestites, which I hoped the boys missed --- they did --- and the interesting store window displays, which I hoped the boys would ignore --- they didn't ... "eww!"  "eww!" "eww!" --- he manuevered as well as he could, with a trail of children and a slightly desperate wife-caboose. I was convinced there were child-snatchers everywhere. Why did I create this event? Potentially dangerous. And worse, possibly BORING.

We finally arrived at Ripley's. The attendant was kind, helpful and informative. I was impressed because I had been convinced there was a street wise hooker outside checking out my daughter. He was so nice he made me forget the dubious surroundings.

There IS a gift shop. Stupid Yahoo! reviewer, I said mentally. Not much, but there is a gift shop.( I've developed this habit over the last two birthdays of eschewing birthday bags of junk and funk to carefully selecting a momento --- cough, inexpensive --- to purchase for our guests). He offered his 2 for $5 books. Then he offered his $2.00 Visitor Guides. Perfect! I snatched up eight of them. I was so tickled I didn't mind the extra money.

We entered the museum. Fearing BORING, I stood at each doorway passage inbetween sections, determined to make sure that the children would see every SINGLE ONE of the interesting displays. It looked like a short visit, so I was panicked.

I was grateful for the gross human hair bikini and the gruesome human skull cup which had once been filled with a mixture of blood and wine. Twelve year old boys love this stuff. I made them read walls. "What's that? What's that over there?". By the third stoppage, I was thrilled: shrunken heads, eyes that pop out of a skull, spiderweb paintings, toothpick bridges, scultptures of money... things that tickle a young man's funny bone.  There was even a tiny theatre and a movie midway to watch about weird stories. In our modern electronic age, this was a neat trick for the public. I was beginning to relax.

There was an awkward stop at a surprisingly scary section of "wax"? figures with stabbing pipes and swords through their skulls and chests to illustrate surprising survival stories. The museum added wind and rain sound effects and gravestones and it was quite chilling to one of our guests who I swiftly walked through the display. I wished the management had given me a little warning. My third grade daughter was just old enough to check out the horrific displays without too much of squabble but I worry about parents of younger children. Avoid that section if you've got one of those.

The whole tour ended at a Love Chair (are you cute? hot? sexy?) which caused some jokes for the boys. I made them pose in it. There was also a wild "star room"? We don't know what it was about, but you walked across the bridge in the dark and the stars spun around. You felt like you were being spun, not the room. An optical illusion, I think.

We ended our afternoon with lunch at Juicy Burger, a very clean, quick joint. It was perfect for a group of kids. The kids ordered their meals via a check out form, and my husband took the form up to the counter. He didn't take the kids. He also wisely said: don't order fries. He ordered "three fries" and these HUGE containers were more than enough for our group of 10. The meal was about $100 for 10 people, which isn't bad considering it's Hollywood.

We headed home and our son said the best words a parent could hope to hear: "Mom, this was the best birthday EVER".

Whew. All I wanted was "not boring."